Thank you for writing. Being 14 is really hard these days; I think even harder than it was in my generation. There is so much pressure to be in a relationship, even if you’re not really ready. To escape the pressure, some kids find a “safe” relationship. This might be with a good friend of the other sex who also wants to have fun but stay platonic. Other straight kids sometimes find gay friends to take the issue of sex out of the relationship. It’s another way to be social and have fun without the pressure.
On the other hand, you are at an age when your body is changing and you may find you are more emotional than you used to be. It is normal to be exploring your own emerging sexuality. It often takes years to settle into yourself. In time, you may find you are straight, bi, nonbinary, trans, or sexually fluid. Maybe you are now exploring other possibilities besides being straight to try to understand who you are.
We live in a time where there is more visibility and more conversation about other ways of being besides just straight or just gay. In addition, rigid stereotypes about how to be a man or woman are being challenged. Kids have a wider range to explore about how to be and be accepted by their peers and the adults who love them. It can be felt as a relief or as more pressure.
If there are adults in your life that you trust who have had different life experiences, you might seek them out to talk about their perspectives about what it was like to be a teen struggling with definition of self.
There’s no right time or right way to figure it out. Stay open and curious and accepting of yourself. You will know when you are ready.
Avoid making an announcement of your identity until you are pretty sure. No matter what your identity, there will be new pressures from both people who support you and people who don’t. Take your time until you can be as clear and strong about your discoveries as you know how to be. There’s no hurry.
At 14, every year seems like it takes forever. That’s because it’s only a fourteenth of your life. As you get older each year will seem longer because it is a smaller and smaller percentage of your life. My point is that you have decades to figure this out and celebrate who you truly are with the people who will love and respect you for you.
I wish you well.