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I Don’t Trust My Boyfriend

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From the U.S.:  I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. I do not trust him. I caught him talking to another girl last year but all he says they did was just talk on the phone. He gets angry over everything. Nothing I do or say is ever right.

We have a 2 year old son together and he has 2 other boys from a previous marriage. He will call me names and put me down and call me fat, even in front of the kids. I have had a hard time losing weight after having my son and he calls me fat a lot. I have lost all self esteem and self confidence that I ever had. I have been so depressed and when he isn’t mad at me I don’t even want to touch him, kiss him, nothing.

The fact that he calls me all of those names really has affected any affection with him. He keeps accusing me of cheating and when I tell him I am depressed and his words hurts he gets mad and blames it on me. I have had this feeling he was talking to this woman and said something to him a few weeks ago and he said I was crazy. Well today, I seen that he’s been talking to her everyday for at least an hour and he blocked her number over the weekend while we were together.

He flipped out, called me all kinds of names and threw a bowl against the wall and broke it. He keeps saying he’s done and leaving yet he is still in the house. I have said he is just using me for a place to live because he can’t afford to move out because he already pays $700 a month in child support and he knows I will take him to court for child support too. He never does anything with my son. He won’t even change his diaper. And if I ask him to, he calls me lazy and a POS mother. I don’t know what else to do. I have never been this depressed and felt so low before.

I Don’t Trust My Boyfriend

Answered by on -

A.

I hope you don’t trust him. You shouldn’t. He isn’t your boyfriend. He isn’t even your friend. What little self-esteem you have left is what caused you to write your letter. This guy is emotionally abusing you and financially using you. You deserve so much better. So does your little boy.

I understand that you probably want your son to have a father. But it’s just not true that every man who fathers a child is fit to be a dad. Your partner hasn’t committed himself to you by marrying you. He hasn’t manned up as a father since his son was born. He is unlikely to change. From his point of view, he’s got it made. He has a place to live and no responsibilities.

What you should do at this point is see a lawyer to find out what your rights are. If you are worried that starting a petition for child support will escalate his violence, look into whether there is a women’s shelter near you. Counselors there will help you figure out how to leave safely. Another resource is the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1 800 799 7233. Counselors are available 24/7 to help women like you.

If your boyfriend monitors your email or phone, erase this response immediately. Guys like him are sometimes triggered into further anger and even violence when they know their partner is looking for help to get out. Use the library’s computer or a friend’s phone to get the information you need.

Staying with this guy will only mean more pain. Your self-esteem is being worn away by name-calling, cheating behavior, and the threat of violence.

Your letter was an important first step toward a healthier and happier life. Take the next one — now! Make those calls and get out!!

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Don’t Trust My Boyfriend

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). I Don’t Trust My Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 14, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/06/30/i-dont-trust-my-boyfriend-2/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 28 Jun 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 28 Jun 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.