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Why Am I so Angry with My Sister?

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 From a teen in Australia: I am 15, my sister: 13. The past two-ish years, I have a growing built up anger towards her. It has gotten to the point where I’m simply in her presence and I can feel myself getting angry and I swear a lot in my head at her, and I haven’t held a conversation with her for 2 years. (Other than questions like, “where’s the bread?”) And whenever she does try and start conversation with me saying” [My name] guess what happened” I get genuinely mad and annoyed and barely respond.

A grudge started for her when i decided my mum favours her over me. I love my mum with all my heart, but even my mum’s friends have said the two of them almost act like a couple they’re so in love, and whenever my friends first meet them they always point it out. My sister even calls my mum “baby” which makes me even madder and grosses me out.

I know love doesn’t have an equation, but I work so hard to be the “ideal child”;. Achieve straight As, topped 3 subjects in my cohort of 300 kids, and she barely acknowledged me. If i ever get 99% on a test she is disappointed and asks who got the 100%. Whilst my sister gets majority Bs and more praise for getting a 19/20 in her weekly spelling test.

I adore talking to my mum when it’s just the two of us, but its like the moment she enters the room she feels the need to direct all conversation to her and I become ignored. I think “you already get all the attention, why do you have to make EVERYTHING about you?” so if she enters, I leave.

Moreover, I know I can be moody, but when I am I tend to just go quiet, and I am careful to never be downright disrespectful, my sister however, when something doesn’t go her way she says extremely disrespectful things to say specifically to your mother and my mum says little to nothing. So I get mad at how she could treat our mum like that and tell her she can’t speak like that, she then glares and my mum gets madder at me instead.

I know this issue sounds petty, but I dislike the me that is so nasty sounding and mean to my sister even when she does nothing.

Why Am I so Angry with My Sister?

Answered by on -

A.

I’m very glad you wrote. Feeling always in second place must be very painful. It sounds to me like you have been such a good kid, your mother doesn’t worry about you. She knows you will be okay. But she apparently has major worries about your sister. Is it possible that your sister isn’t as smart as you are or that she has some other problem that worries your mom?

It’s an unfortunate truth that a kid who seems to be doing fine often gets kind of taken for granted in a family, especially when another kid seems to need special attention to be even mostly okay.

You seem to be taking your frustration out only on your sister. It is your relationship with your mother that I’m more concerned about. She may be quite unaware of how you are feeling since you work so hard to be the “ideal” kid. I wonder what would happen if you had an honest discussion with her about how you do need some of her attention — and even praise now and then. If you can find a way to talk to her calmly about it, you may be surprised at how clueless she has been about how you feel. The two of you might be able to work out some special times in each week for just the two of you.

If you and your mom can work out a more friendly relationship, I think you will find much of your anger at your sister will evaporate.

You didn’t mention your dad. If he is in the picture, it may be possible to form a special bond with him while you work on things with your mother.

I wish you well,

Dr. Marie

Why Am I so Angry with My Sister?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). Why Am I so Angry with My Sister?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/06/25/why-am-i-so-angry-with-my-sister/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 23 Jun 2019 (Originally: 25 Jun 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 23 Jun 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.