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Why Is My Mom so Inconsiderate?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From a teen in the U.S.:  I am 15 years old and suffer from depression, anxiety, insomnia, ect. My mom is well aware of these things and even knows that I have self harmed however, I am too afraid to tell her that I still do because, she believes that I stopped. The reasons I don’t want to tell her I am struggling is because I’m afraid she will try to bring everything back to her.

For example, if I am talking about how I am depressed, she will bring up the fact that she also suffers from depression or another example would be that, I tell her that I don’t feel well when I have something to do around the house and instead of considering the fact that I am sick, she brings up the fact that she isn’t feeling well either. It just hurts me because she is my mom and I believe that moms are supposed to take care of their kids, not tell them that they are hurting themselves.

Another thing might be were my mom and I get in an argument and my brother (who is currently 22) will say something sarcastic about the argument that goes against me and instead of saying to my brother “hey, let me take care of this, okay?” she just accepts it and agrees with him.

For your information, my mom knows how sensitive I am and how even the smallest of words can hurt my feelings, but she doesn’t do anything about what she KNOWS might make me want to self harm again. And whether it was my moms fault or mine…I’m always the bad guy, I always do everything wrong and she always acts like the victim, especially in front of my brother.

I guess this may sound pathetic but, I’m just tired of my mom wanting to get sympathy? I just want her to realize that she isn’t the only one suffering. I don’t tell my mom that I’m hurting but, the reason I don’t is because all the other times I did, she brought up herself and her own conditions. I love my mom, I really do I’m just…Tired of not having a mom I can reach out and hug and get comfort from.

I hope this gave enough details about my situation, thank you so much for answering my question

Why Is My Mom so Inconsiderate?

Answered by on -

A.

I’m sorry you are hurting and wishing for a different response from your mom. It could be that your mom is too self-centered to help you. But it’s also possible that the situation is more complicated than that.

Let’s look at another possible perspective: It does occur to me that just maybe sharing her problems is not dismissing yours. Maybe it is your mom’s way of relating to what you are going through. Or maybe she is trying to normalize what you are going through to something she understands. It also sounds like maybe your mom is overwhelmed and that maybe she feels helpless to help you.  Maybe she accepts your older brother’s “help” because she doesn’t know what to do. All these are “maybes” because I don’t have enough information to get a sense of the whole picture.

Your mother’s problems don’t take away from your very legitimate concerns and disappointment. Adolescence is tough no matter what. It is especially tough if you don’t feel  you have someone to turn to.

I strongly suggest that you talk to another adult you trust (a relative? a teacher?) about how to find a family counselor to help you and your mom. You have many years ahead where the two of you will be living together. With a little outside help from a counselor, the two of you can learn to understand each other. You mom can also learn new ways to be a better support to you.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

Why Is My Mom so Inconsiderate?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). Why Is My Mom so Inconsiderate?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/06/03/why-is-my-mom-so-inconsiderate/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 2 Jun 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 2 Jun 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.