The relationship with my mom has worsened due to a lie I told back in February, which I took full responsibility for and I am aware that hiding my depression from her and the fact that I was seeing a physiologist without her knowing was not okay, but I felt as if she wouldn’t understand, because she’s always told me I make a big deal out of everything and that I want to make it seem like I’m a victim when I cry, so I was ashamed to tell her and face her criticism. As of lately I have returned with my ex-boyfriend, we separated previously about a month ago because I wanted time to focus on myself and When we argued it was very hard on me because I was at a vulnerable stage, Due to me being sensitive my mother would see me cry and she would immediately assume that my boyfriend was at fault, she assumes it was because of him that I fell depressed and she assumed that because of him I chose to take a break from school to better my mental health.
Now that I am back with him, she blames me every single day for choosing to ruin my life, she blames me for causing her pain, and she blames me for my family falling apart. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared to go home due to the criticism I’ll have to face from her. She bases her opinions of my boyfriend found on some text messages she read, because she literally stole my phone and figured out my password, she crossed the line and invaded my privacy. She is now making me choose between my boyfriend or them, and honestly if she thinks that my boyfriend is the one hurting me she is very wrong, I love her very dearly, but now the only one causing me pain when I’m already feeling helpless is her. The other day she even ran away from my house for a straight two hours making me worry, and when she came back she threatened my 14-year-old sister and me saying she was going to leave us because she’s tired of living in this stupid country with two daughters who are a disappointment who use her and don’t appreciate her, AND THAT IS NOT TRUE (From Canada)
Your mom doesn’t sound like she’s able to take care of her own needs adequately. It also seems like she becomes overwhelmed when dealing with yours.
I think you going to a psychologist on your own was precisely the right thing to do. You are over the age where you’d need your mother’s permission, and her opinion should not influence your decisions. Your mental well-being, your boyfriend, your life — no longer needs your mother’s clearance.
It is time for you to develop greater autonomy, more independence, continued self-care, and individuation. Do what you can do is become more independent. It is time to get out and away from an intrusive, controlling mom. If she isn’t willing to understand your needs, respect your privacy, and understand her actions are harmful to you — then it may be time to craft a life away from her and more on your own.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2019). Relationship with Mom Has Worsened Due to a Lie. Psych Central.
Retrieved on August 25, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/06/02/relationship-with-mom-has-worsened-due-to-a-lie/
Last updated: 1 Jun 2019 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 1 Jun 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.