From a teen in Thailand: I’m actually a very happy person. I’m the clown in my circle of friends and the “crazy energetic optimistic person” that cheers people up. But there are also times when I’m like this. Actually.. this time is different. I had panic attacks, been to a heart doctor and a short memory.
Sometimes.. I just can’t control what I’m thinking, what motions I do, it just comes out instinctively and I can’t help it while it’s reacting. Yeah, I’ll call it that.. “reacting”.
It’s just that, I don’t feel like myself. I feel so distant to myself and I feel like I can’t do anything to feel the way I usually feel. But, what do I really feel?
I feel so paranoid at times. A sense of something creeping onto me. And shadows upon shadows that I cannot find the off switch to. I can’t breathe properly. It’s like there’s not enough oxygen in my body and I fight to inhale and exhale. I feel like my heart is going to burst out at any moment. But when I monitor my pulse, it’s slow, too slow. My pulse can go to 47, I’m not a doctor but I know that that’s not normal. Sometimes, I would just not breathe because it’s just easier. But well, after that I choke and I am obligated to inhale.
I would forget things so easily and usually I’m not a forgetful person. I have vivid eyesight. If I stare at something for too long, it moves. For example, I can see the exterior of a plain wall move.
I hear too many things too clearly that my head is going to explode. It’s too much. And I can see through some weird shit. It’s like my ears has a 360 degrees of high definition heating where I can hear and detect at every point from my face to the back of my head and everything in between. And for my eyesight.. it gives me a slight sense of dizziness when I do it but I can zoom in and out whenever I want. The sounds are so unbearable. I cannot take it anymore. ..It’s sounds more crazy than when I think.
Please. I need help. What is happening to me? How do you stop this?