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I Am Happy Most of the Time, But Sometimes I Get Angry at the Past

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I have a problem with my past, but I don’t know what kind it is if any. I just know that I had a really happy early childhood until age seven when I moved to a new school I didn’t like and my grandmother got diagnosed with dementia so my mom was never around much for a few years. I remember resentment for my grandmother, but I’m over that now. She is still alive after about a decade if you can believe that.

Ever since age seven, I have been really shy and in my middle and high school years, anxious, around people. I don’t really know what this is about. I know that I never was concerned about others, even in pre-school. I would just ignore most people and my first word was “bye” when a neighbor came in the house. I had a few friends, but I didn’t like them much. I believe now that most of them were crazy or were too imposing.

Even my teachers were crazy. Two were awful in elementary school. They gave me lower grades than everyone else because they had a vendetta against my dad who always meddles in my business the wrong (violent) way. Most were alright, but there were two verbally abusive teachers in high school who betrayed me when I said one did some questionable things and made me drop out for a bit. And I had no proof, so I still have cravings for revenge even though I know that would be stupid.

I had a large collection of dolls. Everyone who came over would think I was weird.

The main emotion I feel about my past is embarrassment. I’m embarrassed that I didn’t do more during my childhood; embarrassed about the things I did do. This leads to anger for me. I’m even embarrassed if I have to be in any sort of group now, and by the end of the day I’m angry if I had to be around people.

A puzzling thing is that if I feel superior to others around me or if the environment is welcoming, then I’m fine. I feel on top of the world or perhaps just drunk on power. I only feel this way when I have on my best clothes or get nice vibes from others.

I Am Happy Most of the Time, But Sometimes I Get Angry at the Past

Answered by on -


I’m not certain what your question is. You can’t change the past. You were a child. You didn’t know any better as is the case for all children. As you grow and mature, you try new things, you attempt to be a better person and learn from past mistakes. That’s the best any of us can do. If you’d like to write back and ask a specific question, I will try my best to answer. Thanks for writing.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I Am Happy Most of the Time, But Sometimes I Get Angry at the Past

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2019). I Am Happy Most of the Time, But Sometimes I Get Angry at the Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 30, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 30 May 2019 (Originally: 1 Jun 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 30 May 2019
Published on Psych All rights reserved.