Unfortunately, despite all of the details you’ve provided, there’s not enough information here to make a definitive determination. If I were your therapist, I would be attempting to assess how much these problems interfere with his life but more importantly, whether they interfere with your relationship.
For instance, you wrote about the possibility that he has emotional problems. You mentioned mood swings, anxiety, and so forth. He may have some anxiety issues but is he able to control them enough so that it does not impact his life or the relationship? Are you seeing elements of these issues getting in the way of your happiness with him?
Regarding his “two opposing sides of personality,” how does this manifest? He explained his thinking but does it go beyond thought? How does this type of thinking manifest in his everyday life? Essentially, does he behave in ways that indicate violence? Has he ever acted upon these thoughts? Thinking about violence is one thing but acting on it is another.
Regarding his tendency to joke about violence, context matters. These examples are out of context and thus it’s difficult to know if they are warning signs.
Dating is about getting to know someone more deeply. One is attempting to determine if it’s a good match. If you are seeing things you don’t like, and you worry that this person may be unstable, then he may not be a match for you.
Making a decision about who you date and who you may spend the rest your life with is of the utmost importance. You are asking all of the right questions but I am limited as to how I can help. It would be wise to consult an in-person therapist, who could help you make a determination about whether or not this relationship is wise to pursue. I would highly recommend it, as your future happiness largely depends upon choosing the right mate. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle