From a young woman in the U.S.: My boyfriend (21) and I (20) have been together for 2 years now. The first year of our relationship was decent, I guess he was just more focused on himself only and not really the relationship. He lost something important to him and started leaning on me for support. Since then it has just been getting worse. He started getting unhealthily attached to me.
I started a new job where men were present and his insecurities came about. I pride myself in not being a cheater or a liar. I’ve never cheated on my boyfriend but he started thinking I was straying away from him because of the unhealthy attention he was giving me. He has often lied and bailed on me at this point into the relationship. He took it upon himself to believe that I was cheating on him (even though I never have) and then also took it upon himself to be my “karma”. I caught him cheating on me 4 days before our 2 year anniversary. He tried to lie about it to my face for about an hour until he finally broke and told me the truth that he had been seeing and sleeping with this girl for 2 months.
It has been 3 months since that has happened and it hasn’t gotten better. He has been questioning me about legitimately everything and anything that I do. He polices what I wear and what I do. I no longer have guy friends that I knew longer than i’ve known my boyfriend because “there’s no reason to have men as friends unless you’re trying to cheat” but he has helped out girls that were his friends for a long time and said it’s not big deal.
I currently am not able to speak to my sister in law because of him either. I get questioned and have assumptions placed on me by him multiple times a day every single day and when I get upset about his behavior then he does everything he can to make me out to be the bad guy and himself look like the good one. Multiple rules that apply to me don’t apply to him and it is always his way or no way on his time. What do I do? I need help. What is wrong with him?
Frankly, it doesn’t matter what’s wrong with him. Get out of this relationship immediately. This type of situation only gets worse.
Please call the National Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) . The website is https://www.thehotline.org/. Erase this posting from your computer. Men like your boyfriend don’t like it when their partner looks for help. Use a friend’s computer or go to a library to use theirs.
Treat this situation with the seriousness it deserves. Stop trying to analyze the man and make yourself safe.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
What Is Wrong with My Boyfriend?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). What Is Wrong with My Boyfriend?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/05/16/what-is-wrong-with-my-boyfriend/
Last updated: 15 May 2019 (Originally: 16 May 2019) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 15 May 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.