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How Do I Change My Personality?

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From a teen in the U.S.: I’m typically a loud, obnoxious, passionate, argumentative person. I blow up when I’m angry. I blow up when I’m excited. I like to share my voice. People see me as a potential leader. If anything, I think I should be kept away from a leadership role. I hate being considered a potential leader due to my traits. I hate them with a burning passion.

I want to be a quiet, reserved, non-annoying person that people can tolerate. My dad is a gentle guy and I wish I could be more like him. I hate being verbally passionate, I hate being social, I hate being argumentive, and I hate being obnoxious. I want to be a quiet, gentle person. I want to live my life without being told that I’m a potential “leader”.

How can I go about achieving that personality?

How Do I Change My Personality?

Answered by on -


Thank you for writing. You seem to have an idea that you can either be a loud obnoxious leader or a quiet non-leader. The fact is that there is every possibility in-between.

There is nothing at all wrong with being passionate and having a voice. Apparently, people who matter see something strong and helpful in you that could be nurtured into becoming a leader. That, of course, is up to you. But before you throw out the idea of using your talent to lead people to do good things, I hope you will consider that you can learn to tone it down a bit and still be effective. I have a guess that your dad may wish he were a bit more like you. That’s something to talk to him about.

If you’d like to do find a way to blend your leadership talents with a gentler approach, look around for role models. Bill Gates thinks of himself as an introvert. The same is true of director Stephen Spielberg. J.K. Rawling is quoted as saying she never saw herself a leader. Mother Teresa was able to move people with quiet insistence and faith.

I suggest that you research some of these introverted quiet leaders to figure out how they were able to be influential in their fields without turning people off. Sometimes reading a lot about a topic is as good as therapy. Read how they do it. Take it to heart. Start practicing being more like them. Over time it will feel comfortable and natural.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

How Do I Change My Personality?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). How Do I Change My Personality?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 3, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 14 May 2019 (Originally: 15 May 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 14 May 2019
Published on Psych All rights reserved.