Ever since I was younger, even at around the age of 4 years old, I have always fancied older men. By this, I mean men including those that are middle-aged. I have also fancied people of a much closer age to me as well, and am in a relationship with someone of a very similar age.
I am concerned that because my attraction was so frequent that it shows signs of something that could be a problem. I am aware that this attraction towards those older people felt much the same as any other attraction I have felt and sometimes genuinely felt as though it was a sexual attraction, even at the age of around! 8 for example. Should I be concerned or is this really nothing to worry about? (From England)
I wouldn’t pathologize this attraction, but would rather see you continue to observe who you are drawn to, what the characteristics are of the men you fancy, and do you see other themes that develop other than age. Because you are drawn to people from a wide age range and you have elected to be in a relationship with someone of a similar age, it may have to do with a character trait or personality feature that transcends age.
Of course, the obvious element therapeutically would be to use a form of psychodynamic therapy to find out if there had been unmet needs by your father or older brothers that you may be trying to meet through the attraction. However, I’d take the first approach to understanding the theme represented by all those you are attracted to as that may be most helpful the soonest.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2019). Is My Attraction Normal?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/05/09/is-my-attraction-normal/
Last updated: 8 May 2019 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.