Thank you very much for writing. You are an intelligent and sensitive person who is asking important questions. I think you answered your own question early on. You are afraid. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Often fear is protective. It makes us aware of something that may be dangerous. It’s unwise, indeed, to ignore the feeling.
Fear can do strange things to a person. When locked down, it tends to find cracks in our personal armor and spills out in sometimes unrelated places. Your “locked box” isn’t working — and shouldn’t. As you pointed out, as an officer you will be responsible for the lives of others as well as your own. It’s a huge responsibility. That should be taken very seriously.
Yes, you should seek help. I’m sure your university or your Army base has a counselor who can help you. if you just push yourself to go ahead with something your whole being is resisting., you are at risk of hurting yourself and others. You need to tease out whether your fear is something you want to learn to deal with — or whether maybe being an officer isn’t for you. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to people who would be under your command if you do become an officer.
I wish you well.