From a teen in the U.S.: Hi I been struggling from depression all my life and i use the internet in way to numb my pain and to forget im even alive. I left a religion that i didn’t approve of when i was 15 Jehovah Witness and my mom wants to force me to go She tells me Im not happy because I dont believe in god
It always feel like a battle of tug in war with my mother she does everything for me and expect me to do the same I cant because I feel excessively tired most of the time My old therapist described her as a blood sucker i didn’t want admit but she kind of is. I got my licences instead of being happy for me she start crying and tells me the music i listen to is inappropriate
Every time I feel real happiness Im not allow to feel that and i tend to just agree with her to not fight i hate drama but there always drama I tell her one day I want a Family and she tells me why you want one so they can be miserable like you and suffer from depression
She also down play my emotions like they dont matter I grown too attach to her and dont know what to do I cant hold down a job my family thinks im just lazy and speak negatively about me it makes feel even worst about myself I dont want to be 40 live with my mom and never get my stuff together
Like I love her even though she the way she is and I know i might be a burden on her, Honestly I want to find a way to save enough money and live on my own and I feel bad for even thinking like that.
So yeah I mostly isolate myself and im scared to go outside sometimes. Do you have any advice do you think im the problem or its her was it the way she raised me I feel she is a bit narcissistic but im psychologist im afraid of trunning into her but she suffer from schizophrenia and it was hard for me as Kid. Is emotional abuse real and how can I overcome all these obstacle in my life and develop more healthy behaviors.
At 19, you are no longer a kid. You are an adult. You may not feel like you are, but it’s a fact. I do understand that growing up with a difficult mother has been hard. But now it’s up to you whether you will continue to focus on all the things your mother does and doesn’t do — or if you will build a life for yourself. The only person who can do that for you is you.
Of course you are tired. You are on the internet all the time. That can suck up your time and your life. Whenever you take a break from being online, there you are — still in your mother’s house and not getting anywhere.
Ask yourself what you would expect an intelligent 19 year old guy to be doing. Then start taking steps to get there. That includes getting off line, out of the house and into an adult life. Get a job and/or go to school. Save your money so you can move out. Make a plan for how you will leave the comfort of having a mother who “does everything for you” and instead do everything for yourself. At least make a start. With every step you take toward being an adult, you will feel better about yourself and more competent. You will also probably feel less depressed.
If you can’t start claiming your own life for yourself by yourself, you may need to get back into therapy. I don’t think therapy will help you if you spend your time blaming your mother for your problems or putting labels on her. You need the kind of therapist who is going to help you get motivated and busy constructing your adult life.
I wish you well.
I’m Always Battling My Mom
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). I’m Always Battling My Mom. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/04/22/im-always-battling-my-mom/
Last updated: 19 Apr 2019 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 19 Apr 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.