So, there’s this guy I miss a lot. I’ve haven’t seen him in person in almost two months. We’re not together, but I do have strong feelings for him and he knows this. The thing is, I don’t understand why I miss him so much if we aren’t together or anything due to him being a Marine and having the training to do. He won’t be back for at least 6 months to a year. I also got attached when he was here on boot leave. I don’t understand why I did that either. Please help.
It is hard to know from the limited information, but the fact that you know him so little may be part of the attraction. Recognizing that you may be drawn to his potential — not the reality of the situation — is often part of the process.
Wanting what we can’t have leaves us stuck, but it also makes people feel safe. Having the fantasy of a potential connection keeps us from trying to develop more tangible intimacy with others, which can be a very scary thing to do.
Again, very hard to know if anything like this is going on in your situation. But, when we are pining after what you barely know, some aspects of what I’ve spoken about seem to be present.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2019). Why Do I Miss This Person So Much?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/04/20/why-do-i-miss-this-person-so-much/
Last updated: 16 Apr 2019 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 16 Apr 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.