I’m 16 now and since I can remember I’ve been avoiding a topic I don’t even know for certain happened. When I was younger I used to get flashbacks of sexual things I was involved in that included another young girl that was around the same age as me. The reason I have avoided talking about it is that it involves homosexuality and I don’t/didn’t feel comfortable talking about it to my family. In one of my flashbacks, I remember getting caught but now whenever the person that participated in the sexual acts gets mentioned, the activities in my flashbacks never get mentioned. I don’t know whether they don’t want to say or that it never happened and it’s just my mind making it up. Growing up, I began to settle with the thought that I was making it up in my head but then around 13/14 I began to remember specifics like how the other person said things like you were born a boy, your just born in the wrong body’ or incidents I woke up in a bed with a naked man. At this time I began questioning if the person I thought I was doing these things with wasn’t even a little girl but an adult man. As you can imagine, I was extremely confused but still managed to dismiss it until recently. It turns out that my family had a couple of family friends who were pedophiles. When I heard this I got a sick feeling and started to question everything again.
Maybe this is a coping mechanism as other traumatic things happened to me as a child. My dad was abusing my mum though I am thankful I was too young to remember much, only the last beating that resulted in them separating and him moving out. It seems like when I was 5 and moved to England from Nigeria, I lost all memories however this could just me from me being young but I remember things from being 5 in England. I am now out as Bisexual, just not to my family and I have had minor/mild body dismorphia in my early teens that has seemed to disappear. Could this all be my mind or is it real.
If you could help me I would be very thankful. Sorry for the rambling or the bad wordings.