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What Do We Do with an ‘Almost Stalker’?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From Canada: Since 2011 my husband has been contacted by his abusive ex girlfriend periodically every 6 months to a year. It’s either nasty, creepy, or she acts like she wants to be a friend. It’s usually emails or friend requests from fake accounts, no matter if we respond or block her or not she keeps intruding randomly and it is distressing.She has stayed just within the law to be considered an annoyance or else we would get a restraining order. I am wondering if it would be alright to tell her that we no longer want to be contacted by her and would consider further messages to be harassment. My husband is afraid of setting her off by reporting her online or sending a message. His friends tell him just not to say anything. What is the best solution?

What Do We Do with an ‘Almost Stalker’?

Answered by on -


Thank you for writing. Since your husband knows her and you don’t, perhaps you should trust his instincts on this. It does occur to me that if you and your husband sometimes do respond (and sometimes don’t), she isn’t getting a consistent message. It may be better to either not respond at all or, if your husband feels he has to say something, to keep it short and neutral like, “Have a nice day”. Whichever — it’s important to do the same thing every time.

Apparently, his ex can’t quite let him go. But since she attempts contact only every 6 months to a year, it may be prudent just to ignore her. Though unwelcome, from what you told me, her contacts aren’t dangerous. She can only upset you if you let her. Maybe it’s possible to just sigh and say to yourself “There she goes again…” and move on with your day.

I wish you ell.

Dr. Marie



What Do We Do with an ‘Almost Stalker’?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). What Do We Do with an ‘Almost Stalker’?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 30, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 12 Apr 2019 (Originally: 15 Apr 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 12 Apr 2019
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