From a teen in the U.S.: My mum had cheated on my dad twice before ;my dad knows about one time she cheated. my dad has cheated on her too once. I think he is okay with it , my mum has told me about this after a longer time. I stay with her now and dad stays in another state , few months back I had checked my mum’s text accidentally and I felt like she’s again having an affair I had asked her to open about her relationship if she ever had any but she said no at that time.
Recently I checked some of her text and they seemed suggestive. I don’t know what to do or why she does this I don’t want to confront her as I’ve done it before and she denied. But I feel angry as if she doesn’t trust me and would create problem for her self as her ex blackmailed her but dad handled it . Idk what to do please help me as she’ll come running to me when her lover would try blackmailing after the breakup or something.
I’m sure this is all very stressful. What you do is separate yourself from your parents’ relationship with each other and other people. This really isn’t your concern. Your mother shouldn’t be pulling you into it when things go badly. She was right to tell you “no” when you asked for information about her private life. You shouldn’t be playing detective by looking at her phone or playing counselor when she “comes running”.
Somehow your family has let the important boundary between parent and child get blurred. Get out of the middle. Don’t put yourself there. Don’t let either parent pull you in. You can’t fix whatever is going on with the two of them.
Do remember that each parent can be a good parent to you even if they can’t find a way to be faithful and loving with each other. You may need to remind them now and then that you need them to be parents and not to treat you as a peer.
I have a guess that you have plenty to deal with in your own life. One of the important tasks of the teen years is to work on figuring out how to be in a love relationship. The best thing that can come out of having seen your parents’ mistakes is an understanding of how you want to be in a relationship and what you want and deserve from a partner.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
What Do I Do When My Mom Is Cheating?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). What Do I Do When My Mom Is Cheating?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/04/07/what-do-i-do-when-my-mom-is-cheating/
Last updated: 6 Apr 2019 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 6 Apr 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.