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An Old Friend Needs Help & Idk What to Do

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I just found out today that a close friend of mine was raped last year. I only learned this from my best friend whom she told but I don’t want to ruin their friendship. I want to see this bastard who did it behind bars and want to report what happened but I’m scared there’s not enough evidence to convict or even find the guy. I love her like family and I’m enraged about this issue, what do I do? Report it with a chance of failure and her hating me? Or not say anything and let it fade away.

An Old Friend Needs Help & Idk What to Do

Answered by on -


There’s a reason she did not go to the police. It could be fear, lack of evidence or any number of other things. Before you make a decision, you need more information. This can be tricky because it is obviously not an easy topic to discuss. That is likely why she has not told you or many others about what happened. She may not be ready, willing or able.

By going to the police, you could make things worse and you don’t want to take that risk. Imagine a scenario in which you went to the police and the alleged perpetrator became angry and attacked her in retaliation. This is not outside the realm of possibility. You would never want to be in the position of having caused that sort of outcome.

I don’t know the nature of your relationship with her. Try to gauge whether or not speaking to her would be the right thing to do. Remember, she chose not to tell you. She chose to tell some but not others. She has not asked for your help or for your advice.

I understand your desire to help but she has not asked for your help. You might consider contacting a therapist to help you make this delicate and important decision. Good luck and please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

An Old Friend Needs Help & Idk What to Do

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2019). An Old Friend Needs Help & Idk What to Do. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 31 Mar 2019 (Originally: 4 Apr 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 31 Mar 2019
Published on Psych All rights reserved.