Home » Ask the Therapist » My Boyfriend Loves Me But Not My Appearance

My Boyfriend Loves Me But Not My Appearance

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From a woman in South Africa: My current “friend” gets a severe anxiety attack if he presumes I’m eating anything unhealthy.  He allows me to make my own decisions but he gets VERY uncomfortable if they are not always on point.  He is trying to work on this but his reason is if you say you want to do something do it with everything and not just half way.  This is also the same reason he can’t choose to date me yet until I have reached my goal (appearance wise).

He is in love with me and we even stay together but nothing yet as he seems to be scared to commit.  I believe he has this image in his mind of the “perfect” woman.  He has said that personality wise I am perfect but appearance wise not yet.

I also believe that you should strive to be the best form of yourself thus I agree with it.  I want to be the best version of me I can possibly be.

My Boyfriend Loves Me But Not My Appearance

Answered by on -


There is an important line between loving concern and control. He may “let you” make decisions, but he certainly finds ways to telegraph that your decisions and appearance don’t meet with his approval.

This isn’t love. Love means accepting someone as they are. Love means providing support for the beloved’s goals, not imposing conditions for a relationship. It’s likely that if you stay with him, you will always be anxious about whether you are acceptable. You deserve better.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Boyfriend Loves Me But Not My Appearance

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). My Boyfriend Loves Me But Not My Appearance. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 31 Mar 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 31 Mar 2019
Published on Psych All rights reserved.