Depression is one possibility that comes to mind however, there is no specific mental illness per se that would cause you to choose loneliness over non-loneliness. It could simply be an error in your thinking. Your logic may be flawed.
If everyone underwent genetic testing, many people would learn that they are at an increased risk of developing certain disorders. The DNA company 23andMe, for instance, tests for the genetic susceptibility to cancer, Alzheimer’s and other conditions. Many who take genetics tests will learn that they may be at increased risk for the aforementioned conditions, but that in no way means that they will develop any disorder or have any problem at all. The genetic testing companies fail to emphasize that fact and are doing a great disservice to the public, but what I’ve told you is true. Testing that shows a greater susceptibility to a disorder, never means that you will get that disorder. Maybe you will and maybe you won’t but then you knew that without the testing. I am not saying that the testing is without merit. Perhaps one would lead a healthier lifestyle or give up smoking or exercise more, if they thought it would reduce their risks for developing a particular disorder.
When you think about it from a grander perspective, every living person will die. Statistically speaking, most people will die from a serious condition such as Alzheimer’s, heart disease or cancer, etc. Unless both partners die simultaneously in a plane crash or some other natural disaster, one partner will survive the other.
You didn’t mention the specific probability of your developing these disorders. There may be more to the story that you didn’t include in your letter. Humans naturally want to be in relationships with other people. It would be a shame if you deprived yourself the very thing that makes most people happy. Generally speaking, there’s no reason why you should avoid relationships and meeting with a counselor might help you to make the right relationship choices. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle