The most concerning aspect of your letter is that you feel you have no control over your behavior. If you cannot control yourself, then others may be at risk of harm. In that case, you must seek help. That would be the right course of action.
Counseling could help to uncover the cause of your unusual thoughts but most importantly it would help by teaching you how to control your behavior. Thoughts are not necessarily something that one can control. Behavior, alternatively, is generally within one’s control. Inability to control one’s behavior is a sign that something is wrong. It might indicate a mental illness. If a mental illness is present, treatment is necessary.
Ask your parents to take you to a counselor. You don’t necessarily have to tell them every detail about why you want to go. It may be enough to say that you want help with emotional issues. Hopefully that will spur your parents into action. If you feel that you might hurt yourself or someone else, contact emergency services. They will help you immediately and protect you and others from harm. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle