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How Can I Choose Between My Parents and My Boyfriend?

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I’m 23 years old, I’m finishing my studies, and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years. My parents never wanted to know him cause he isn’t the looking good type, that they imagined to me (cause he is bald, without status and money). However he’s a nice independent man (he got his own house and car) with 28 years old, I love him, he is very honest and kind to me. He always treated me well and despite my parent’s attempts to separate us.

Lately, my boyfriend and I started to see things worn out by my anxiety and fear and caused by my “lack of respect” and drama in my family. My brother already knows him and tried to tell my parents that he is good enough for me, but they don’t listen. I become depressed and my boyfriend feels bad for all things that are more complicated than should be.
So I’ve started to sometimes, sleep at his home without anyone’s permission and enjoy our company, letting the drama for the next day.
Today my parents told me that if I want to continue this I shoulda left my parents home and when I told them that I’ll find a job and move they told me that I’m cold and don’t love them anymore (which I do, obviously ) What should I do? (From Portugal)

How Can I Choose Between My Parents and My Boyfriend?

Answered by on -

A.

It sounds like your parents are doing what they are doing out of love. But at the same time, they are giving you an ultimatum you need to take. At 23 years old it is time for you to be an adult, making choices independent of your parents attempt to control you. They have invited you to leave if you want to have a life with this man. Take their invitation to leave as an opportunity to become more independent. If you stay home and leave your boyfriend, you will resent your parents for forcing your breakup. If you make the choice to go you’ll have the at least made a decision for yourself.

If you were a teenager this answer might be very different. When we are young parents help shape our decision process. But you are an adult now — in an adult relationship with a man. You do not need your parent’s permission to have the relationship, but you may have to become more independent by moving out to do so.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

How Can I Choose Between My Parents and My Boyfriend?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2019). How Can I Choose Between My Parents and My Boyfriend?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 14, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/03/24/how-can-i-choose-between-my-parents-and-my-boyfriend/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 22 Mar 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 22 Mar 2019
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