I recently found out that my parents told their friends and my boyfriend-now-husband that they gave me pretty sexualized spankings when I was in my late teens. They described them in sexualized detail, or mentioned them in a sexual way in a passing comment. I don’t remember any of them happening. I think they’re lying, but have no idea why. I do know that, without explanation, I am very shy sexually in regards to my butt and positions similar to one’s they described spanking me in. However, I am very adventurous in every other sexual way.
Is it possible I am blocking memories? If not, why would my parents have made those things up to tell people? Would either thing be a form of sexual abuse?
It is possible that you are blocking the memories. That is the nature of the unconscious mind. The theory of repressed memories essentially is this: the memories are blocked because they are too painful. You may remember them, at some point in your life, if there comes a time when you are consciously able to deal with them.
It’s certainly odd that your parents would be openly discussing these claims with friends. One would not expect to hear about their own alleged sexual abuse from friends of the family. It would have been informative to know more about the nature of the conversations your parents had with their friends about this alleged abuse.
Unfortunately, there may be no way to know if their claims are accurate. You might consider asking your parents directly. Understandably, you may not want to ask such direct questions, but it might be the only way to know.
Hopefully, this is all a big miscommunication. The friends may have mischaracterized what your parents said. Not everyone’s characterizations are accurate. It is something to consider. I hope this helps. These take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Unsure of Sexual Abuse
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2019). Unsure of Sexual Abuse. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 13, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/03/23/unsure-of-sexual-abuse/
Last updated: 22 Mar 2019 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 22 Mar 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.