O.K. Here is my problem: I am 34 years old. A male. My mind is at constant unrest. I have had a blessed life with all professional success, great family and good friends. My family is very loving and peaceful.
From about 10 years, I keep constantly remembering people (the ones whom I would have met a couple of days ago, or from a surprisingly distant past – triggered based on a situation) and frame situations in my mind and have ‘loud’ conversations with them. Please note that I know this is not happening in real – but just in my mind. So, I don’t think I am hallucinating at all. But I am obsessed with conversing with one or the other person – almost every minute of the day. And I do it ‘loudly’.
Over the last few years, I have started picking on people who have hurt or insulted me and undergo the above-mentioned cycle of mental unrest. I frame tough and challenging situations in my head and constantly fight them verbally ‘aloud’. I use swear words. I cannot control it and I am unable to calm myself down when I do that. Sometimes, I bang my fist, slap people and kick around in thin air. Again, even in this, I am constantly aware that this is not happening in real but just my obsessed behavior of living in various situations in my head – but reacting and talking in physical reality.
People in my work have noticed it (just talking part, I don’t hit or kick anything in public) – and they try not to make me uncomfortable and so, never speak about it. I do this – even knowing that they are aware – but I cannot stop myself.
90% I am fighting with people and other 10% of the time, I am having nice, funny or excited discussing – all ‘aloud’. And I can’t stop myself in the middle of it – even when I am telling myself to stop it. I need to get it out.
I used to do this in my adolescence or childhood (not angry talks, but emotionally charged, like a win in sports), but had disappeared and this came back to me in my mid-twenties again.
What’s happening to me? (From Australia)Constant Loud ‘Fight’ or ‘Conversation’ with Myself Even in Public
Constant Loud ‘Fight’ or ‘Conversation’ with Myself Even in Public
The fact that this seems both uncontrollable and upsetting to you is a good reason to get an evaluation either by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. The fact that it has gone on for such a period of time often indicates it is serving a purpose. I am not sure if that is true in your situation, but I do think understanding what causes it, the purpose it serves, and, importantly, what can be done to give you some control over it is essential. The two types of professionals are best equipped to offer evaluation and suggestions for treatment.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral