O.K. Here is my problem: I am 34 years old. A male. My mind is at constant unrest. I have had a blessed life with all professional success, great family and good friends. My family is very loving and peaceful.
From about 10 years, I keep constantly remembering people (the ones whom I would have met a couple of days ago, or from a surprisingly distant past – triggered based on a situation) and frame situations in my mind and have ‘loud’ conversations with them. Please note that I know this is not happening in real – but just in my mind. So, I don’t think I am hallucinating at all. But I am obsessed with conversing with one or the other person – almost every minute of the day. And I do it ‘loudly’.
Over the last few years, I have started picking on people who have hurt or insulted me and undergo the above-mentioned cycle of mental unrest. I frame tough and challenging situations in my head and constantly fight them verbally ‘aloud’. I use swear words. I cannot control it and I am unable to calm myself down when I do that. Sometimes, I bang my fist, slap people and kick around in thin air. Again, even in this, I am constantly aware that this is not happening in real but just my obsessed behavior of living in various situations in my head – but reacting and talking in physical reality.
People in my work have noticed it (just talking part, I don’t hit or kick anything in public) – and they try not to make me uncomfortable and so, never speak about it. I do this – even knowing that they are aware – but I cannot stop myself.
90% I am fighting with people and other 10% of the time, I am having nice, funny or excited discussing – all ‘aloud’. And I can’t stop myself in the middle of it – even when I am telling myself to stop it. I need to get it out.
I used to do this in my adolescence or childhood (not angry talks, but emotionally charged, like a win in sports), but had disappeared and this came back to me in my mid-twenties again.
What’s happening to me? (From Australia)