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Is My Marriage Worth Saving?

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From the U.S.: I’m married to a man who has locked me out of the house at least 8 times. I was packing my things, he threw an object out the door in my direction and I had to get 4 stitches. He said he just threw it and wasn’t aiming. He has called me horrible names. He easily and quickly gets mad, cusses, and likes to belittle. He never accepts responsibility for anything. He used to be a drunk until he was arrested for DUI. Now, he doesn’t drink as much, but is still emotionally abusive.

I’m his 3rd wife. He cheated on his 1st wife before they got married, but she cheated on him after. I wonder if this is where all his hatred started. I would think infidelity would cause lots of hatred and mistrust. He said they didn’t have sex on their wedding night because she was being a bitch. There must’ve been bad blood before they even got married. He described his marriage to his 2nd wife as them throwing things, locking her out, her pushing him down stairs, him punching walls, her leaving him stranded so he had to walk home in the rain for 2 hours but that he deserved it. That wife died of cancer. So, I’m not the only wife he’s used as an emotional punching bag. I can’t help but think all this hatred started in the 1st marriage. That wife was probably in deep hatred of him for cheating on her, and he’s just continued on with that way of dealing with his marriages.

I have an appointment with a divorce lawyer already set up. I guess I’m just trying to figure out if I’m doing the right thing. I just want some peace back in my life. If I was happier before being married to this man, why would I even stay married to him? I left once before. We weren’t even married for a year at that point. If I ever leave again, it will be done legally and not just a trial separation. I’m 55 years old and I’m getting too old for this kind of stress in my life. I feel like I have PTSD.

To be honest, I don’t deal with his poor treatment of me very well. Is this marriage worth saving, or should I make sure I keep my appointment with the lawyer? Thank you.

Is My Marriage Worth Saving?

Answered by on -

A.

Absolutely keep the appointment with the lawyer. Your husband is a repeat offender. He apparently hasn’t learned a thing from two prior failed marriages.

I doubt this all started due to his first wife’s infidelity. As you pointed out, there was probably something wrong in that relationship already. Frankly, it doesn’t matter where it started. He has continued his abusive behavior with each wife.

There must be something charming about your husband on the surface at least. He has convinced 3 women to marry him. But please don’t be distracted by his charms. The real guy is the angry guy who calls you names and is generally emotionally abusive. Love isn’t like that. No one should be treated that way.

Get out of this marriage and make it possible to find someone who will love you and cherish you as you deserve.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

Is My Marriage Worth Saving?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). Is My Marriage Worth Saving?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/03/08/is-my-marriage-worth-saving/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 6 Mar 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 6 Mar 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.