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Feelings for Boyfriend Change Drastically Every Week for Past 10 Months

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I got into a relationship last February. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced, I liked him an insane amount. I’ve never been happier in my entire life. I was getting 6 hours of sleep basically every night by staying up and messaging or video calling him since he lives across the country. I was constantly nervous, but in a good way, too nervous to eat even. Even though mentally it was probably all not good for me, it was the most amazing thing ever, and I liked him so much. But then a little less than two months later, I woke up one morning feeling no attraction nor spark towards him whatsoever, almost as if the past two months of being insanely infatuated with him never existed. This was the day that spring quarter had started, and I was very stressed about my new classes, thinking there was no way I could them even. But then 5ish days later, I felt attracted towards him again, even though the spark wasn’t there anymore. But then 5ish days later, the loving and attracted feeling was gone again, and I disliked even looking at pictures of him. Ever since then (it’s been 10 months at the time I write this) I’ve had the same cycle of my amount of attraction changing towards him. So basically every week it changes from me feeling very attracted to him, to me not being attracted to him at all. I cant even look at him when I feel unattracted to him. This is just a summary, there are many more details. But this has been hurting me so much, as well as him. I just want my feelings to go back to how they were before my feelings started to change every several days. Like I can literally feel when my feelings start to come or go.
Please help me, this has been going on for way too long, I’m starting to lose him forever, I don’t know how much longer I can take this.

Feelings for Boyfriend Change Drastically Every Week for Past 10 Months

Answered by on -

A.

Emotions, by their very nature, are not sustainable. Good or bad they are designed to be transient and fleeting. The first 10 months of a relationship typically have some of the highest connectivity, most intensity, and frequency of positive feelings. As we begin to bond with someone the connection and activation of bonding chemistry is off-the-charts.

My guess is you are settling a pattern that will help determine the nature of your relationship. Noticing that there is this weekly fluctuation is something to observe — don’t try to change just yet. Learn more about what is going on and what is driving it before you try to alter it.

Ask yourself some questions about what is happening before, during and after these shifts in feeling. Broaden the scope of understanding this pattern to see what else may be driving it. Learn more about what the pattern is and what may be causing it before you go and try to change it.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Feelings for Boyfriend Change Drastically Every Week for Past 10 Months

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2019). Feelings for Boyfriend Change Drastically Every Week for Past 10 Months. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/03/07/feelings-for-boyfriend-change-drastically-every-week-for-past-10-months/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 6 Mar 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 6 Mar 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.