From a teen in the U.S.: I recently have begun to notice that my behavior has become rather strange. One second I could be happy, then next I could be sad, anxious, paranoid, or angry within an instant. I don’t understand how I feel. I’m assuming this begun at a much younger age than now, such as when I was probably ten or maybe eleven. I went through some sexual abuse as a child for 4-5 years (from the ages of 4-9) before it finally ended. And I’m happy to say that everything and everyone is safe and fine now that the abuser is gone. Since then I have visited a therapist, but it was brief and it was quite some time ago. Possibly 5-6 years ago. Most of the questions they asked at the therapy office were questions about my abuser for legal reasons; what he did, how it was done, etc. I was probably 9 or ten by then.
Luckily, it did help, and it seemed as if I was getting better until last year. I was constantly breaking down into tears over seemingly nothing, I started to harm myself through scratching my legs, as an anxious and punishment issue for when I did something wrong or stupid, I was always thinking about what my abuser did to me out of nowhere, I felt angry and hateful, sleeping at night could be difficult, and my head was always jumbled and filled with unwanted thoughts.
This year, things are better though and I haven’t been dealing with this as bad as last year. However, some feelings are still persistent. I want to figure out what’s going on with me. Am I just overreacting about how I feel? Could I possibly still be going through trauma? Or could there possibly be serious underlying mental issues that may need to be talked about? I’m really sorry for tossing such a strange bag of cabbage (to whoever reads this), but I need some advice, and possibly a point in the right direction if necessary. Thank you, to whoever is reading this, for taking the time to read this.