What’s evident from your letter is your drive to resolve these issues and succeed. You want to change. You want a better life. You are moving in the right direction. Without that motivation, change may not be possible.
It sounds as though you need a possible medication adjustment. Your therapists’ assessment of your situation doesn’t resonate with you. That might be a sign you need a new therapist. Each time you go to therapy, you should feel slight improvement. Overtime, there should be some evidence of progress.
Alternatively, you mentioned that you don’t go to therapy often. You seem to need more help than you’re getting. It’s not clear whether your therapist is the problem or if you’re not attending as much as you should. Once a month is rarely enough.
Another issue may be your use of drugs. Drugs alter brain chemistry. They may be interfering with the medication you have been prescribed. The use of drugs would suggest a lack of coping skills. If you had a healthy way of dealing with stress, you would not be using drugs.
Generally speaking, it seems time to reassess your current treatment situation. As described above, you might need new medication and/or a new therapist. If what you’re doing isn’t working, then you must try something else. Don’t stop until you find something that works or someone who can help. It is worth it. Good luck with your efforts. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle