It would’ve been helpful to know more about the event that occurred eight years ago. It sticks in your mind as a possibility. It “devastated” you. It’s highly possible that this event is the cause of the problem but without more information, it’s difficult for me to know.
You specifically asked whether or not you are “subconsciously” remembering this event every year. If you remember it, then it is not “subconscious.” The fact that you do remember it would suggest that is a conscious memory.
Seasonal depression is also a possibility that should be explored. It’s not uncommon for some people to be depressed in the winter. It’s dreary, cold and dark. It can cause sadness and an overall sense of apathy. However, it’s equally possible that the event that occurred eight years ago, is the source of the problem.
It would be wise to consult a mental health professional in this matter. It could help you to understand why you repeatedly feel a particular way during the same time period each year. Therapy will very likely assist you in remedying this problem. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle