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Home » Ask the Therapist » I Was Wondering if It Is Normal/Possible to Miss Someone You Have Never Even Met?

I Was Wondering if It Is Normal/Possible to Miss Someone You Have Never Even Met?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

When my mother was young, she had a son called Braxtan who had passed away at the age of 2 before I was even born. If he were still alive now he would have the role of the oldest child in our family instead of me. Being the oldest child, I feel very pressured in everything I do and I also argue with my parents a lot (which makes me quite upset), because of this I quite frequently find myself wishing that Braxtan would just burst through the front door and would be there for me when I feel although no one else is. I believe that I miss him incredibly much ,but I don’t know if this is possible/normal and what I can do to stop missing him because I know he’ll never come back. (From Australia)

I Was Wondering if It Is Normal/Possible to Miss Someone You Have Never Even Met?

Answered by on -

A.

Such a thoughtful and sensitive question. It is not unusual for the loss of a child to create unique dynamics in a family that makes it hard to carry on. There is a saying: “When a parent dies you lose the past. When a child dies you lose the future.” You may be feeling some of these dynamics from your mom’s grieving and your own thoughts about what it would be like to have an older brother. It is likely to be more of you thinking “What if?” rather than you having known him and he is gone.

There is more information here and here about this.

The challenge for you now at 14 is to start learning more about who you are, what you like, and what interests you. Learning how to be you is the most important thing for you to be doing.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Was Wondering if It Is Normal/Possible to Miss Someone You Have Never Even Met?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2019). I Was Wondering if It Is Normal/Possible to Miss Someone You Have Never Even Met?. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 15, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/02/19/i-was-wondering-if-it-is-normal-possible-to-miss-someone-you-have-never-even-met/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 16 Feb 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 16 Feb 2019
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