I’m sure this really is exhausting and frustrating and angry-making. You are already emotionally drained with taking care of your wife. It has to feel overwhelming to also be trying to sort out health insurance for your son. He deserves treatment. You deserve more peace of mind regarding his care.
This situation is a powerful example of why we need national healthcare. In the meantime, I suggest that you contact a local mental health clinic or your local hospital to see if a social worker might be available who can help you find a policy that would provide the help your son needs. Also look into whether he is eligible for the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). The enrollment period is over for this year but there may still be other plans immediately available at the Marketplace. Check this link: www.healthcare.gov.
I wish you well.