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Trust in Friendships

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Hello. My issue is about friendships and the aftermath of my toxicity. I’ve been friends with a girl X for so many years, but I noticed this summer that she seemed to be with someone else, which IS normal. However, I can conclude that her random annulment of our get-together was canceled to be with that person. I still was trying to be as nice as possible to X, but eventually, it felt like I didn’t know her anymore.

That’s when my other friend J told me everything. She was there telling me of how awful of a person I am, and it hurts when you hear it from someone you love, but she was right. In the end, I was a terrible person, and over these past few months, I’ve been trying to change and actually seeing improvement.

However, the problem now is that X is being nice to me again, which I’m glad for, but I’m scared it’s just an act. I’m scared that X and J still don’t trust me. They won’t let me talk about stuff that THEY are into alone. They only talk about what we all like. I wanted to be redeemed and more open-minded, so I wanted to do what they like, but they don’t seem to trust me again.

I know this is a common issue with people, but I really want help. I don’t want this to be the way I am with my friends. Thank you for reading, and may your advice be extremely useful with my situation.

Trust in Friendships

Answered by on -

A.

It may be difficult for you to trust girl X again knowing what she may have said about you behind your back. If this relationship is to be salvaged, then it’s important to be honest with girl X about what friend J told you.

It is possible that friend J may have misrepresented what girl X said about you. Miscommunication may have occurred and thus the need for truth and clarification.

It would be best to request an in-person meeting with your two friends and attempt to clarify any potential miscommunication. Direct communication and honesty may be all that’s needed to resolve this issue. Good luck and please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Trust in Friendships

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2019). Trust in Friendships. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 15, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/02/15/trust-in-friendships/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 13 Feb 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 13 Feb 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.