One way to describe your thinking and behavior may be mental rigidity. In other words, you are inflexible in your thinking and behavior. You force yourself to think and behave in a particular way based on artificial, self-imposed standards. That type of “all or nothing” thinking and inflexibility, breeds feelings of negativity and disappointment.
For instance, you wrote that you will do something until you are mentally exhausted. That seems unnecessary and extreme. Working until mental exhaustion seems like an inefficient way to do things. Take studying for instance. There are good ways to study and there are “not so” good ways to study. Though it may seem counterintuitive, cramming for a test is a poor way to prepare because it sacrifices the sleep your brain needs to perform adequately. Thus, it would be unwise to cram until mental exhaustion.
I can never offer a diagnosis over the internet, thus it would be wise to consult a local therapist about the possibility of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). An in-person evaluation would be best to determine if a disorder is present. No matter your diagnosis, counseling could assist in refining your thinking and behavior. Ideally, it’s best to be flexible in your thinking and behavior. You want to be smart and efficient with your time and energy. You don’t want to over- or under-do things. It’s admirable to have life goals but it could be that your self-imposed rules are causing unnecessary stress in your life. Should that be true, counseling is the ideal remedy. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle