I don’t know if he is a narcissist. I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of only a letter. But I can share your concern that you have put up with these behaviors because you were so well trained to do so by your narcissistic father. If so, don’t be hard on yourself. We are all drawn to what is most familiar, even when the familiar isn’t what is good for us.
Only you can decide if your husband’s positive qualities outweigh the many hurtful things he does and says. The behaviors you describe are not the behaviors of someone who loves and cherishes his wife. But it may be that he is highly anxious himself and tries to manage that anxiety by being as in control of a situation as he can be.
It may be helpful for the two of you to go to couples counseling for a few sessions to sort that out and to address some of the patterns in your relationship that are so difficult for you.
If he won’t go, please go yourself. I think you would find it helpful to talk through any confusions you have about whether he is hurtful or if you are over-reactive due to your history with your parents.
I wish you well.