If you had to get water from a well and the bucket kept coming up empty, how many times would you continue to lower the bucket? Your mother has issues of her own that prevent her from giving you the love and support you are looking for. That’s very sad. I hope you know it has nothing to do with you. Since you are now in your thirties, you’ve “lowered your bucket” enough times to know that her behavior probably isn’t going to change.
You say that you’ve looked for counselors. What you didn’t mention is whether you and a counselor have worked on the gap you feel in your heart when it comes to your mother. You need to find ways to come to peace with who she is and, most important, to find other women in your life who can give you such solid friendship you are no longer pained by your mother’s inability to provide it. I hope you will do that. You don’t have to continue longing for something your can’t have from your mother when it is available elsewhere.
I wish you well.