I’m sorry this troubles you so much. It seems to me that it is a pattern of language that has probably been with him for a very long time. He is unlikely to change it. It doesn’t really matter. You know his meaning even if you don’t like his style.
What concerns me is that it looks like the two of you are fighting about communication style instead of something of much more serious consequence. You said he is morbidly obese and that it interferes with his ability to move to even do the simplest things. The fights about his language style are an effective distraction but they are only that — a distraction. Your husband’s obesity is endangering his life and affecting the quality of your life together. You have been enabling his food issues by doing things for him that would otherwise require him to move.
I urge you to let the communication issue go. Instead, focus on the much more serious health issue. You can’t make him lose weight. You can’t make him care. But you can tell him how much it scares you that you will lose him because of his weight. You can let him know that you love him enough not to do things for him so he doesn’t have to move. You can offer to go with him to a doctor and nutritionist to learn how best to address the issue and how you can be an effective support.
I wish you well.