My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and have been living together for a little over 3 years. About a year ago his friend stayed over at our house while we were out on vacation, I’ve never met his friend before and only said yes because he said his friend was trustworthy. His friend ended up bringing over a female coworker and not letting us know but I found an eyeliner so I was upset and asked my boyfriend to talk to him since he didn’t want me to talk to his friend myself. Fast forward to last night his friend (the same one) called me my boyfriends ex-girlfriends name. Keep in mind this guy has been at my house and my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I got upset and ended up leaving early because I was so mad and didn’t want to make a scene with someone I barely knew. Before I left I told my boyfriend he needed to talk to him because his friend disrespected me and made me wonder why he would call me someone’s name who was in my boyfriend’s life over 4 years ago. He said he talked to him and told him to apologize to me so his friend tried to add me on Instagram to apologize. I want nothing to do with his friend and I’m upset that all my boyfriend did was have a talk with his friend that I made him have and then went on to act like nothing happened. Now we’re arguing because I’m afraid my boyfriend doesn’t respect me since he did absolutely nothing except what I asked him to do. I feel like I shouldn’t have to deal with after being with him for 4 years, we also just bought a house together 3 months ago. Am I wrong to want him to do more than just talk to his friend (a talk I asked him to do) ? He thinks I’m being unreasonable and doesn’t think it’s a big deal since his friend made a mistake.
Your boyfriend did what you asked of him, and his friend apologized. It also doesn’t sound like there were any rules explained to the friend about not having a guest over the house while he stayed there. This adds up to a misunderstanding and an error. You are welcome to hold a grudge and drive a wedge between yourself and your boyfriend, but I’d consider lightening up, forgiving these infractions and not creating more from what this is.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2019). My Boyfriend’s Friend Disrespected Me. Psych Central.
Retrieved on October 14, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/01/18/my-boyfriends-friend-disrespected-me/
Last updated: 17 Jan 2019 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 17 Jan 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.