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How to Confront a Narcissistic Mother That Lives with You

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I’m divorced and started dating. My mother is against my relationship and it has become to the point I have to choose. How do I do this? I’m a smart, independent woman that can’t break my dependency with her. I am capable of many things, but I am handicapped with her. She blocks me, makes me feel guilty. I need help to do this but don’t want to crush her.

How to Confront a Narcissistic Mother That Lives with You

Answered by on -

A.

Narcissists don’t crush. They tend to be quite insulated from feeling affected by others. The fact that you think you’ll hurt her if you take care of your own needs is a major part of the problem. Your mother trying to make you feel guilty lets you know that she isn’t invested in your well-being

The balance in managing yourself around someone as self-absorbed as your mother is knowing you have a choice between feeling guilty for taking care of your emotional needs, or feeling resentful when you don’t. Always choose feeling guilty for taking care of yourself because the resentment you’ll feel for not doing so will cause you to alienate from her in the long run.

Finally, start planning a way for you not to live with her and making more of a life for yourself. Living with a mother who treats you like you are a young child rather than a grown woman isn’t what will help you thrive. It is time to craft a life that suits your independence.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

How to Confront a Narcissistic Mother That Lives with You

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). How to Confront a Narcissistic Mother That Lives with You. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/12/30/how-to-confront-a-narcissistic-mother-that-lives-with-you/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 28 Dec 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 28 Dec 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.