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Having Trouble Coming to Terms with Myself

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As I write this, I am currently at my grandparent’s house in Alabama. The reason for this is that my grandfather passed away. I decided to finally reach out because, quite frankly I don’t like how I’m handling this. I don’t mean to tangent, but I’ve had a crazy year. It’s like when I hit 20, something inside me went off and it led to a series of events of which the results still really resonate with me, and I haven’t really had a chance to really get someone else’s perspective. I think something that didn’t help is that I developed a really unhealthy obsession with J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in The Rye during this time. I think it honestly had a negative effect on me, despite my deep love for the book

I was in college for about 5 weeks, and then decided to leave for a completely stupid reason. A girl I thought I really like and even asked out on a date and then rejected me in a way I don’t really want to repeat right now. It’s also worth pointing out that during my period of being 20, I had reached out to about 6 other women and had done things that honestly, I’m embarrassed about. It wasn’t harassment or anything, I wasn’t asking for any candid photos, in fact, when it comes to pursuing a potential partner, I consciously omit anything even remotely sexual. Not just because I never want to run the risk of making someone feel uncomfortable, but also because due to past experiences and just confusion towards the entire subject in general, it just really makes me uncomfortable to even think about that kind of stuff.

This is getting pretty long so I’ll cut to the chase: I’ve had a lot of bad shit happen these past couple years and I don’t like what it’s turning me into. I don’t really do anything; I try to avoid thinking as much as possible, as well. I don’t like who I am, whether it’s me being incredibly awkward around basically anyone besides the few friends that are still amazing enough to still want to talk to me. I just want to live my life by my own standards. That’s it. I want to be fixed. How?

Having Trouble Coming to Terms with Myself

Answered by on -


Consult a therapist. They help people with problems just like the ones you have described. The key is finding a therapist you like. It’s important to find one with whom you “click.” That’s the one who will likely be able to help you the most.

To date, your solution to life problems seems to be avoidance. Avoidance doesn’t work and it can lead to isolation. It significantly limits your prospects and makes life more difficult. Don’t accept the problems in your life. Instead, work to correct them. Most problems are correctable.

When your life isn’t going as planned, distress is the result. I hope you will consider therapy as it could make an immensely positive difference in your life. Too many people choose not to enter therapy and they do so for all the wrong reasons. Everyone struggles at some point in their lives. The difference between those who overcome their struggles and those who do not, may be that some are willing to seek help while others are not. If you know that you have a problem, then do whatever is necessary to make the requisite changes to live a more satisfying and fulfilling life. I hope this helped in some small way. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Having Trouble Coming to Terms with Myself

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Having Trouble Coming to Terms with Myself. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 5, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 23 Dec 2018 (Originally: 26 Dec 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 23 Dec 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.