I have never trusted anyone which’s stem most likely from being molested. Lately I been thinking about suicide daily but never do it. I have a beautiful fiancé and she loves me but I am emotionally abusing her by accusing her of cheating or coming up with story’s that don’t make since. Every day I think she is trying to cheat or has another guy behind my back. I feel I’m ugly and no girl could possibly love me so they must have another guy. I’m not good in bed and I think this makes me really insecure. I feel bad how I am towards her but I can’t stop I don’t know why. I have always been off socially but last few years I can’t seem to be around anyone I feel like they out to get me. I never know what to say to people at dinners or anything so I have panic attacks. I feel like all my friends want my girlfriend like they only around to get her. I can’t look in mirrors. I have to take shower with lights off not to see myself. Last night I went out with my fiancé and she left me with her friends and I just couldn’t think on one thing to say. They were looking at me weird like they can tell I’m off and weird:(. She went to bathroom seems like she was gone so long I had a panic attack and left bar and walked 6 hours home. I thought her friends plotting against me. I had to quit my job because I can’t be around people anymore, I feel weird and awkward and never have one thing to say. I can’t conversate at all. On top all this my body is in pain my arms have chronic pain. I have so many things wrong I feel it’s hopeless. I feel bad about my fiancé how I talk to her but my mind just nonstop thinking crazy stuff:( I’m really at my end with what to do. She love of my life but I feel I should make her leave me so I don’t ruin her life. I’m really scared :(I Feel I’m Losing My Mind & I Can’t Trust My Fiancé at All
I Feel I’m Losing My Mind & I Can’t Trust My Fiancé at All
This is a not hopeless situation. Even if that is how you feel, it doesn’t mean its true. Nowhere in your letter did you mention ever seeking treatment. Mental health professionals will know how to help you. They specialize in helping people with these types of issues. There’s no reason to suffer with treatable problems.
You admit to emotionally abusing your fiancé, feel bad about it but “can’t stop.” If you can’t stop hurting yourself and others, then you should be making every effort to change. The most efficient way to make positive changes is treatment. You’ll learn new ways of thinking and behaving.
Seeking help can make all the difference in your life. If not for yourself, then do it for the good of the relationship. It would not be in your fiancé’s best interest to marry an emotionally abusive person. The relationship may not last if something doesn’t change. The good news is these issues are correctable with treatment.
With treatment, your future is hopeful. It can make a positive difference in your life. I hope you will give it a try. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle