This is a not hopeless situation. Even if that is how you feel, it doesn’t mean its true. Nowhere in your letter did you mention ever seeking treatment. Mental health professionals will know how to help you. They specialize in helping people with these types of issues. There’s no reason to suffer with treatable problems.
You admit to emotionally abusing your fiancé, feel bad about it but “can’t stop.” If you can’t stop hurting yourself and others, then you should be making every effort to change. The most efficient way to make positive changes is treatment. You’ll learn new ways of thinking and behaving.
Seeking help can make all the difference in your life. If not for yourself, then do it for the good of the relationship. It would not be in your fiancé’s best interest to marry an emotionally abusive person. The relationship may not last if something doesn’t change. The good news is these issues are correctable with treatment.
With treatment, your future is hopeful. It can make a positive difference in your life. I hope you will give it a try. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle