The reason you wrote to us is that you are uncomfortable. You don’t need to worry about me! I’m glad you wrote. You deserve relief! You’ve been suffering with this for 10 years. I can’t offer solutions on the basis of a letter but I can make a few suggestions about where to go from here.
You didn’t share with me whether your were closely monitored while taking medication. If not, that’s a problem. You should be seeing a psychiatrist regularly to assess the effects of medication and to make adjustments when necessary. It may be that the medications you were prescribed were either not the right ones or were not at a therapeutic dose.
It’s not impossible but it is unusual to diagnose a personality disorder at your age. It is clear, though, that you have significant problems. You are probably right that there is something going on besides a depression. To find out, you do need to see a therapist who specializes in teen issues.
As you already know, seeing a therapist and using therapy effectively are two different things. You need to find a therapist with whom you can be open and honest and who you trust to be helpful. That may take interviewing a few until you find the right one. I hope you will do exactly that. The problems you describe are not going to be addressed with a few visits with a therapist you don’t trust.
I do suggest that seeing a family therapist with your parents would be helpful as well. You’ve tried to get your over-busy parents to attend to you by a variety of self-harm strategies but it hasn’t worked. Like many parents, they may not understand that there are issues underlying the self-harm that must be dealt with. Like many adults, they may think your self-harm is only a way to get attention or to avoid school, not an indication of something more serious. My guess is that they are as concerned as you are but don’t know what to do to help you. A family therapist can help you all work together toward your healing.
If you can’t talk to your parents, please identify another adult you can confide in who can then advocate for you. Often adults are more responsive to other adults than they are to their kids. Your doctor or therapist may be a place to start. You all deserve better than what has been going on for far too long.
I wish you well.