I am 16 years old, 17 in 2019 and I have a very hard time in not losing interest in girls I’m with. so, for the past 3 years, I have had about 100 to 150 girlfriends and I’ve been talking to about 400-500. The problem is now I want to have a serious relationship, but after a couple of weeks ago by I start to lose interest in the girl. the girls are great, minor flaws, beautiful faces, great personalities etc. I feel attached to the girl but if I see another girl, I like I can’t keep myself from asking her number, messaging her etc. Also, a major thing I have noticed is that if I start to get sexual with the girl, I start to lose interest after we go home (when we’re no longer facing to face). This has been bugging me for about 7-8 months now and I’m really starting to feel bad emotionally and psychologically. Right now, I have a girlfriend who is an amazing person with a great personality and she is just amazing overall. Like most girls, I unintentionally get them to love me and right now she is attached to me. I have this feeling inside that I want to leave her like my heart feels weird. This always happens a week or two before I leave a girl. This time I don’t want to, I want to have a serious relationship. People are usually jealous that I have a multitude of girls wanting to be with me dating me etc. but it happens unintentionally and right now I just want to have 1 girl in my life. I sometimes cry about this because I don’t know what to do. Thank you in advance. (From Turkey)
You are using the girls as ways to prevent intimacy not develop it. You are more interested in starting up a relationship than maintaining it. There is nothing wrong about this, but the skills needed to start a relationship are very different than the skills needed to maintain it. It sounds like you have the first set but not the second.
If this is something you want to change then you would need to develop other abilities other than meeting and connecting. These other abilities include being vulnerable, respecting the other person’s needs, and not using interest in other people to avoid dealing with intimacy.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I’m Having Trouble Staying Attached to Girls. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/12/04/im-having-trouble-staying-attached-to-girls/
Last updated: 3 Dec 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 3 Dec 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.