From a young man in Sri Lanka: I’m a 20 years old boy. I’m very shy since my childhood and I don’t have many friends. I’m very angry when I’m in my childhood. I have lot of violent thoughts these days. I can’t stop these thoughts. I feel that I’m losing my mind. When I was 13 I had thoughts about God and religion. I had some very bad thoughts. At my 15 I had my first violent thought. I have mental images about stabbing and killing. I felt that I’m going to do very bad things. Now I can’t think about any other things, except harming thoughts.
I had lot of expectations about future but now I can’t think anything like that. I have sleeping problems, hopelessness and very low mood. I’m in a great inability to deal rationally with stress, anxiety and depression.
I have a problem with making friends because I’m an effeminate guy. I can’t make proper eye contact with anyone except my family members. I have very low self esteem and I have a hormone problem. I have low testosterone symptoms like, tall stature, low amounts of body hair, enlarged breasts and feminine distribution of fat. That cause me very much stress and anxiety. I can’t socialize because of my appearance. I’ve read articles about psychopathy and now I have a doubt about my sanity. I don’t have many friends as a psychopath. I’m in a great distress.I Am in Great Distress
I Am in Great Distress
It sounds to me like you may be seriously depressed. From what you shared in your letter, you have reason to be. You are not happy with your body. You say you have hormone issues, which could be contributing to the depression. You also shard that you haven’t developed enough self-confidence or social skills to make and keep friends. That would also make anyone feel isolated, lonely, and perhaps angry.
I think you first step is to see a medical doctor to confirm whether there is an endocrine disorder and, if so, how to treat it.
Then it would be helpful to see a mental health counselor to help you manage the depression and to coach you in social skills. If such help isn’t available in your city, do consider communicating with an online therapist. In addition, take a look at the forums here at PsychCentral. People from all over the world provide each other with practical help and emotional support.
Please take care of yourself. You found the energy and motivation to write to us which is an important first step in self-care. Now, please, take the next steps to improve your health and self-worth. You are only 20. With support, you can make the changes you need to make so you can have a happier life.
I wish you well.