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I Think My Partner’s Daughter Is in Love with My Partner

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I am 22. My partner is 38. His daughter is 16. I have witnessed some ghastly behavior from his daughter. She has always hated me and has always tried to get rid of me, but now she’s going too far. She is OBSESSED with her father – my partner of nearly 6 years. She will find his dirtiest, smelliest shirt/jacket, bury her head in it, take a big smell, then she’ll just smile up at the ceiling. She constantly brags to her father about her ‘sexual exploits’. Talking about how she ‘has no gag reflex’ and ‘likes the feeling and taste of…’ well, I think you can guess where that quote is going. She constantly asks him about our sex life and tells him things I can do to “make him feel nicer” She is trying to replace me, and I don’t know how to deal with this. I have various mental problems and am too weak to deal with this in a rational manner. I can’t do this. I’m begging you, please help. (From Australia)

I Think My Partner’s Daughter Is in Love with My Partner

Answered by on -


This must be very difficult for you to manage, and i do think something has to be done to make a shift in the dynamics. It is doubtful this will get any better on its own. This boundary issue is one that your partner has to take the lead in, and then the two of you must have a very unified approach in dealing with her. As you are closer in age to her than to your partner, she may see you more as a sibling rival than your partner’s partner.

Have a talk with your partner about the issue, and the two of you craft a plan for dealing with her. But he has to take the lead and set the boundaries. Otherwise, it will be you against her and that isn’t likely to work.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Think My Partner’s Daughter Is in Love with My Partner

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Think My Partner’s Daughter Is in Love with My Partner. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 3, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 24 Nov 2018 (Originally: 27 Nov 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 24 Nov 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.