Much of what you have described may be consistent with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or related anxiety disorder. Having recently given birth could have exacerbated your symptoms. However, a diagnosis is only possible via an in-person evaluation by a mental health professional. They can determine what may be wrong and design a treatment plan specific to your needs.
You mentioned that “you want to talk… but nobody understands.” That may be true of laypersons. They are not trained to understand mental health problems. However, mental health professionals would understand and they would know how to help you. Choose a therapist who specializes in either postpartum disorders and/or anxiety disorders. Studies have shown that behavioral and cognitive behavioral therapies are highly effective for anxiety disorders. Good help is available.
Start by calling four or five therapists who specialize in anxiety and ask them how they would help you. Choose the one with whom you feel the most comfortable and that will likely be your best choice. Your PCP or OB/GYN might provide you with a referral if you ask for one. You might also consult a psychiatrist for medication. The sooner you take action, the sooner this problem can be resolved. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle