I think scary thoughts sometime, it’s been happening since i was a kid and ever since i had my daughter it’s been worse. I see a dirty napkin and my mind forces me to think of me eating it, i won’t use dishes or even walk in my own kitchen. I think bad sexual thoughts, but what bothers me the most is that i can’t fall asleep because i make a popping sound with my lips over and over. When i was younger i prayed for 2 years straight because i was scared i didn’t believe in god. When i was younger i would wash my hands so much my skin would fall off, then my mom told me i need germs to be healthy and i stopped washing my hands at all. I think it could be ocd but i don’t know. I worry about every little thing and i feel so depressed because of things that haven’t even happened. But it’s so bad at night because of the need i have to make my lips make a popping noise over and over before i fall asleep. I can’t control it or stop it. I get nail clippers and clip all skin around my fingers and toes off, some parts so much that it bleeds. I get days where I’m so jittery and i feel almost like I’m not really here or like I’m about to die or something is off. I want to talk to someone for help, but nobody understands. When i was younger the problems were so much worse, but ever since i became postpartum they are starting to bother me again. Some things i don’t even want to type anonymously because they are so gross. I just want to be happy but i feel like it’s impossibleI Don’t Know What’s Wrong
I Don’t Know What’s Wrong
Much of what you have described may be consistent with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or related anxiety disorder. Having recently given birth could have exacerbated your symptoms. However, a diagnosis is only possible via an in-person evaluation by a mental health professional. They can determine what may be wrong and design a treatment plan specific to your needs.
You mentioned that “you want to talk… but nobody understands.” That may be true of laypersons. They are not trained to understand mental health problems. However, mental health professionals would understand and they would know how to help you. Choose a therapist who specializes in either postpartum disorders and/or anxiety disorders. Studies have shown that behavioral and cognitive behavioral therapies are highly effective for anxiety disorders. Good help is available.
Start by calling four or five therapists who specialize in anxiety and ask them how they would help you. Choose the one with whom you feel the most comfortable and that will likely be your best choice. Your PCP or OB/GYN might provide you with a referral if you ask for one. You might also consult a psychiatrist for medication. The sooner you take action, the sooner this problem can be resolved. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle