The words of your mother are mean and hurtful. It’s unclear why she would say them. Personal problems may be causing her to treat you badly. Nevertheless, it’s abuse.
I’m curious about your father’s role in your life. Does he know how your mother treats you? Is he someone with whom you can talk? Would he be willing to take you to a therapist? If you haven’t talked to him, you should try. He needs to know how she treats you. Make him aware of how you are feeling and that you’ve thought about suicide. This is a serious matter. She is abusing you and he needs to know about it.
When a parent is abusive, it’s common for children to blame themselves. How your mother behaves is a reflection of her character and or the problems in her own life. It has nothing to do with you. Understandably, it feels personal because it’s directed at you but it is not about you. Something is wrong with her.
Consult the school guidance counselor about this matter. Tell them how you’re feeling and what’s happening. They can assist you in receiving the proper treatment. If not the school guidance counselor, then tell a school faculty member or another trusted adult. Go to the hospital or call emergency services if you feel that you might harm yourself. They will ensure that you are safe and protected. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle