I am sorry you are having such a difficult time with the transition into the university. Since you are new there I would highly recommend talking with the university counseling center as many of the things you are struggling with are conditions they are well trained to handle. This way you can get some additional input into your situation.
I’d discuss with the university counselors your thoughts about recovery and ask them if they have any suggestions for helping you deal with wanting to stay on scholarship as you find ways to cope that are different than what you are doing. Universities are typically used to dealing with helping students make the transition. At the very least it allows you to get another opinion with people who have experience.
Finally, I’d recommend you pick up a copy of the book U Thrive as it was specifically designed for students coming into college and what you can do to help feel better while you are there.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral