If the information that you have provided me is correct, then you are dealing with a very complex problem which is unlikely to offer an easy fix. From your description, he is an alcoholic, he is abusive and he is controlling. You say that you are not concerned with your safety, however when dealing with an alcoholic one should always be concerned for one’s safety. He also has Tourette’s, ADHD, and OCD. He is also sexually incompatible with you and your desires. If you were aroused to the type of sex that he desires the two of you would have a good sex life, but that would do nothing to diminish any of his diagnosable mental problems, his alcoholism or his tendency to be abusive and controlling.
You described him as being a functional alcoholic but he does not appear to be functioning well in life in general. Without extensive therapy it is very unlikely that he will improve in any aspect of his life. Many women would leave a man who was abusive. Many women would leave a man who was a long functioning alcoholic. Many women would leave a man who had fantasies of stabbing or being stabbed in the stomach.
Your happiness is as important as his happiness. I doubt sincerely, that you both can walk the same path to happiness. It is most likely that each of you will need to find separate paths to happiness.
It may be time for you to realize that he is not a common, normal, alcoholic guy with Tourette’s, ADHD, OCD, who is also abusive, controlling and repulsed by female genitalia. I wish you the very best of luck, in whatever decision you make.
Dr. Kristina Randle