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Is It Okay to Send a Former Therapist a Note?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From a woman in the U.S.: I had a therapist for 8 years and she knew literally everything about me. I had to stop seeing her 3 years ago when I entered a DBT program. I knew in my head it was probably best to move on and not return to her. However, I still miss her terribly. I know she was in my life for a reason, and if I did go back to her, that’s going backwards and I want to move forward. She showed me a love that I’ve never gotten anywhere else. She was probably the most important person in my life – ever.

I have talked to my current therapist about her. I just want my former therapist to know how much she still means to me and how much I miss her and how far I’ve come. I wish I could just see her like a couple times to “catch up”. Is it okay to send her a note after all this time?

Is It Okay to Send a Former Therapist a Note?

Answered by on -


It depends on your expectations. You indicated that you understand it isn’t helpful to go back to see her if you are longing for a “dose” of her love. You are correct. And for that reason, it’s probably unwise to visit. But if you want to express appreciation and to let her know that you have continued to heal, I think that’s fine. We therapists very rarely get to hear what happens next. It is, however, inappropriate to want to start up a correspondence since it might undermine your current work.

I’m glad you are talking with your current therapist about what you want to do. It’s likely that the conversation is an important moment in your therapy.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Is It Okay to Send a Former Therapist a Note?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Is It Okay to Send a Former Therapist a Note?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 3, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 25 Oct 2018 (Originally: 26 Oct 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 25 Oct 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.