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I’m Scared of Losing Myself

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I’m 19 and I’m in a 1year 4months relationship and I think I’m starting to be obsessive over my boyfriend he’s so good to me—he knows how to boyfriend—we are sexually active reason am saying I’m becoming obsessive is that I feel like I can’t live without him like I’m in need of his love I do anything to please him I recently started to be insecure, jealous check his facebook Instagram and Twitter every day just to see what He’s up to in inbox him every day even though I have nothing to say to him I’m scared that I’m losing myself while loving him how do I stop? [From South Africa]

I’m Scared of Losing Myself

Answered by on -


You must challenge these thoughts as they begin inside of you. If the relationship is a good one—and it sounds like it is—then you are missing the joy of the relationship by worrying about losing it. I am suggesting two ways to deal with it. The first is to challenge the thought that you are losing him with facts. Instead of running to check his Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts ask if he has done anything to mistreat you or suspicious. Start recalling the way he is there for you and his good nature toward you. Challenge your thinking that he is going to leave by using facts that show otherwise.

Secondly, share your insecurities with him. Talking about this can draw a couple even closer and keeps you from having to cope with the anxiety alone. When couples can share their vulnerabilities with each other it usually makes them stronger.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I’m Scared of Losing Myself

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I’m Scared of Losing Myself. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 15 Oct 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 15 Oct 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.